@emilyst A trans friend once told me that the deep exploration of gender they did as a trans person had convinced them that gender wasn't even a coherently definable construct, like you can't actually say what "woman", or even "gender", means in a universal way.
As a leather person... I feel this way about sex sometimes. I honestly have no idea whether this is sex or not.
@emilyst Concretely: I don't think anybody was hard. The mood was generally lighthearted and social. If I recall, his headspace was fluctuating between light "I can happily interact with people" to a deeper "drifting off peacefully".
I'd say bondage is usually a sensual experience for most people, in that you're aware of your body and enjoying physical sensations, but that can be anywhere from "THIS IS SO HOT" to "this is like stretching and yawning in clean sheets on a lazy sunday morning"
@aphyr cool, well, to oversimplify, i'm gonna say not a sex thing but with interesting sensory aspects and undeniable sexual undertones that everyone was cool with
@emilyst Yeah, I think that's valid? It's definitely a scene, but I'd call "a bar scene" as opposed to a more serious scene you'd do in a dungeon or one's home. Energy is light, playful, relaxed, nothing too heavy that would interrupt the normal flow of conversation. It's... ah, even "sexual undertones" doesn't really capture it necessarily. For this boy, it's... a fundamental part of his being and how he relates socially to other people.
@aphyr for some people, sexual undertones IS a fundamental part of being.
but also it is an oversimplification after all. i think it's more...vibes. energy. aura. mood. whatever you call it. there is a sexual facet, but the volume is greater, more about the senses than anything else.
@emilyst Yeah, definitely. Like... you probably know some furries, right? Can totally be a sex thing, but for other people the fursuit or fursona is just Who They Are (and of course lots of people are both of these, contextually).
@emilyst okay so like (and please forgive me if I'm over-reading here) but have you ever felt a sense of euphoria at having your gender recognized and accepted by other people? Knowing that the way you dress, how you speak, the way you carry yourself, your name and pronouns, they're all embraced by the people around you? Even if it's just in a conversation with a couple people online?
@aphyr this is an extremely complicated question, and hinges a lot on what you mean by "embrace." *generally* speaking, most people around me treat me and/or perceive me as cis (even if they have doubts).
but if you mean having complete freedom and security in my entire self as i am, it's been rare. i get to have a little bit of myself in various places. i take what i can get. i am...so strange that there aren't really places or situations that i can bring my entire self to.
@emilyst *nods, nods*
I want to say that... for someone like @omegaboy, "boy"--the leather archetype--is who he is at a deep level. It's clothing, demeanor, forms of address, social role, etc. When he's in a space that recognizes and understands him as a leather boy, he's in his element.
This kind of scene isn't just about the direct sensual experience, but also about a matrix of social belonging: he's happy because he's *being his boy self*, and the people around him are here to embrace that
@aphyr dang, i am now thinking about how many parts of myself I have to abrogate to exist in the world, and i am depressed. D:
@aphyr well, better now than at bedtime, as usual.
there is a part of my brain that likes to remind me that i've never had a romantic partner, and this means i am obviously broken in some way, and furthermore have had entire parts of myself that have never had expression in my entire life.
it is a noisy brain.
but i am sorry, this is not your problem to deal with, and it's not a new thing for me, so you don't need to really respond or anything. <3
I haven't logged in for a few weeks and am just seeing this. Thank You, Sir for the great explanation; that's a perfect way to put it. You are one of the few (at least in this area) who understand the way my mind thinks in this aspect.
Being in that mind set makes me so content...and no, it's not 'always' a sexual thing.
@emilyst I was reading a book by Ivo Dominguez Jr. the other day and he argued that our culture has so marginalized eroticism/intimacy that we don't even have the *language* to communicate it to others. I feel that right now.
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